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ClumsyBallerina
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Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Grand Rapids
Birthday: 1/6/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: I like peace and laughing and Kel and Jesus.
Expertise: Living every day with no clue what I am doing, but every indication that I've got it all under control, it's a clumsy God-given grace- Also, being a blonde, being a brunette, being a redhead, being all of the above at the same time, reciting John Mayer lyrics, refilling my nalgene, driving mini vans from the passenger side, sandwiches, overcommitting, wasting time, and talking to whomever about pretty much whatever
Occupation: Administrative
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  dutchesslearae
Member Since:
6/28/2003
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| I'm moving.
http://leanneraepenny.blogspot.com/ | | |
| Hey guys, I was urged to start blogging again and thus I post, I will post more soon I swear however at this point I want to just show you Tov, our new hedgehog. He's about 9 weeks old at this point and so here's some video of the tov and a tour of our new place as well. http://www.youtube.com/leannepenny | | |
| So this morning I am bleary-eyed and disheveled looking and I sit here over a luke-warm cup of hazelnut coffee. Why the tired eyes? Well last night, a bit before two the Tornado Sirens went off here in Wilmore. I knew the storms were going to be bad last night but I didn't expect that. Kel woke me up and told me to get dressed. My favorite line of the night? "Babe, I'm from Tornado Alley, Oklahoma, you don't dick with the tornado sirens!" So we went down stairs to try to gain entry to a first level apartment but all of our neighbors slept right through it. So my brave husband broke into an empty apartment and we sat there soaking wet and waited it out. I was in shock to be awake and other than my bed and that was pretty much how I was feeling as Kel took cover in the bathroom of this apartment and called Andy because... "Who else would I call when there's tornados?"
I friggin love the Kel. No tornado can touch us... knock on wood... or particle board because it's what I have to knock on. | | |
| I am about to board a plane, well in about six and a half hours but that's been mostly on Kel and I's mind for the last thirty-six hours, among a slew of other minor details. However this morning I have really been cleared off to do some soul searching and evaluating. This was a very unexpected occurrence for me. I heard a song on TV, it's called "three wooden crosses" and it was among one of my Dad's top favorite songs. Hearing it took me to a place of tears. How could this possibly be the third Christmas without him? Every other pain in our lives has some hope of ceasing, but not this. There is no option of Christmas without my Dad stopping, this is the only option, he is not coming back with bag after bag of little stocking stuffers. I got in the shower and just starting crying, I tried to sing the song but it just squeaked out on account of my being all choked up. I hate the thought of Christmas without him, why can't he just be here! And on top of that why can't my Mom come back through all the curtains of depression and be fully present in the room? Why can't she talk to me like mothers do? Why do I have to loose that too? And my sister, why God can't you bring healing to her mind, see her through treatment to a life of potential? Why is her mind damaged beyond repair? God I hate going home to this family of brokenness. Why can't I have it all back?
This is where I have been this entire Christmas season, completely fixated on what I don't have. Until today it had been things like a new brown belt, a new coat, furry boots, newer better clothes and shoes, etc etc... see I can tend to be a tad materialistic. And this morning it was my family, why can't I have a whole family back?
Then comes this still small whisper in the back of my mind. Maybe you should ask God to bring you contentment with what you already have. Santa isn't going to bring restoration to my family this Christmas, and honestly neither is 6lb 4oz baby Jesus. So what am I going to do about it? Let another Christmas of discontent rush over me, start to bathe in everything I don't have while completely choosing not to see all that I have? It's pointless to do that again, and again, and again. So here goes my little Christmas prayer. Maybe a small part of it can be yours too.
Dear God
Thank you for everything I already have. For the love you send my way daily. Fill my mind with little reminders of all the beautiful gifts I already enjoy. Help me clear away all the lust for things you have chosen not to bless me with. Fill me with a peace every day of the season, that all I have from you is more than enough. Amen. | | |
| Oh Lord my heart is in lament!
How long must I remain in
this regrettable bath-tub state?
Many a night I have sought
the warm respite of my tub
only to find it spilling orange water
strewn with chunkies
and unable to keep my shoulders
in its warm soothing flow
My stressors close in around me
for my place to relase of them
has been woefully removed
in frustration I throw my towels
strew my bubbles about
and cry to you to save me!
Oh lord my faith is weak
but in my heart I believe in you
For you have a bath-tub for me
Reserved for me when my work is done
You will lead my to warm waters
and restore my soul.
-Selah. | | |
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